Troll Train to Seoul

A week ago I decided enough was enough, it was time to buy a modified chip for my Wii. I no longer wanted to stumble through Korean-text menus, miss the storyline while playing games, or pay 50,000 Won for a terrible game; I wanted to understand, to be able to read the stories if I wanted, to play Wii for free! So I decided that a 7 hour journey to Seoul and back to get a Home Brew chip installed was the only right thing to do: a three hour train ride there, one hour to get the brew made, three hour train ride back to Gumi.

During my ride to Seoul, I wrote a "troll" piece for one of the atheist forums I write on. Suffice to say, these days the forum has less to do with atheism and more to do with trolling, and since I didn't have much planned for the three hour train ride, I had enough time to write "Troll Train to Seoul":

As I sit here wasting the possiblity of having those precious travel-reflections usually had on long waits traveling from point A to point B on boneheads and Master of the Trolls like Mason, I am reminded of capitalism's inherent exploitation as I pop 500 Won coins in the slot every 15 minutes.

Ty is an idiot.

Lured here by the need to tell Halii that she had not in fact trolled me, aware of the fact that answering her would allow her to claim that she had trolled me, I walked forward through time through the train to key her board. :CRG:

*Looking back, I located the teenage girl who is talking too loudly into her cellphone, lock eyes with her, and give her my best 'you-better-fucking-bring it-down-teacher's-look'. It worked, so I looked back at the computer screen to once against meet Halli's gaze.*

All the way from carriage seven was colorless, like Preno's posts. Carriage 4 kinda smelled like rotten squid and smelly feet mixed together; I hurried through that carriage. As I pushed open the door of carriage 3, the blah colors suddenly turned into bright pink, yellow, blood-red carpet, an entire ocean on the curtains. I was lucky! There was an Internet stall open. Satellite Internet on a train! If only the Bolsheviks could have seen me! All I needed was a flying car and jet-boots and my childhood dreams would have all come true.

Sitting down I took off my down winter jacket and my Gap jumper underneath and popped in my first 500. Internet Explorer. FUCK. I quickly pulled up firefox's website and downloaded the exe. Installed. Ready to go.

After the excitement of being able to troll Halli on a train wore off, I realized that I myself was being sound-trolled by a very ugly part of reality located right next to me: No Ray Bahng. Yes, noraybahng is what Koreans call Karaoke. Uck fuck. Behind the cheesy hot yellow and pink doors and walls right next to my superfuturistic train Internet a 20-something Korean man was doing his best to sing his lungs out of his chest onto the lyrics ofsome sappy Korean pop song streaming across the Karaoke screen in his booth. His best was horrible, fun when everyone else is drunk, so innocently horrible in broad daylight, but so irritating when you're concentrating on trolling Halii just four feet away!

In case you haven't guessed or don't know what an "Internet troll" is yet, let me define it for you. A troll is someone on the Internet who visits or joins a blog or forum with the sole purpose of posting merely to get a response. Lulz trolls are trolls who troll (yes, it's a verb, too) to get laughter as a response, LOLS (laughing out loud) or LULZ (laughing out loud at the expense of someone else (sometimes illegal)). A troll troll is a troll who trolls others out of spite for people in general. Troll trolls are misanthropes. A devil's troll is a troll who never changes his argument, no matter how well their opponent argues. Libertarians fall into this category and thus constitute the troll majority on the Internet.

Here's a well-known troll from the forums I write on. His forum handle is "Gurdur". This is real-life photo:



And his forum photo-avatar: